Ask for What You Want; Closed Mouths Don’t Get Fed

According to the Webster’s dictionary truth is defined as: archaic: fidelity, constancy b : sincerity in action, character, and utterance (1) : the state of being the case : fact (2) : the body of real things, events, and facts : actuality (3) often capitalized : a transcendent fundamental or spiritual reality. And the word authentic is defined as: worthy of acceptance or belief as conforming to or based on fact <paints an authentic picture of our society>: not false or imitation : real, actual true to one's own personality, spirit, or character. 

I have come to a new awareness of self. The aforementioned definition of truth and authentic are very important to my new awareness and the meaning of the saying closed mouths don’t get fed. I liked to take a moment to expound.

As a child I couldn’t speak up about things, and sometimes I was force to sooth my mother by lying. How tragic, a child forced to lie for the sake of appeasing their caregiver, in pursuit of survival.  I know what you are thinking, “Come on you didn’t need to lie!”  What was I to do? My mother’s bi-polar state, and the concern for the safety of my brother and me, put my back against the wall.  I make no justification for lying; stretching the truth, or embellishing but when you are in survival mode sometimes you must do what you have to do when your safety may be in jeopardy.  At the age of eight facing what seemed like insurmountable odds, again I ask, “What would you do?”  Question; at this juncture, could lying to insure your safety be considered wisdom? Many would argue, what would you say?

I disclosed that information because we learn things as children which we carry into our adult lives. I have always considered myself a pretty honest person. However, I am not nor will I sit here and act as a saint, which brings me to my point. When you don’t speak your mind, you’re being dishonest. How is this possible? Well, because exemption of the truth in most cases is considered being untruthful. When you deny saying what you mean you aren’t being authentic. I’ve opted not to say something out of fear of how it may be perceived and it cost more than if I flat out lied.

How does this relate to the above saying, closed mouths don’t get fed? Well, when we are not asking for what we want, we deny ourselves the right to live authentically. You are in essence lying about your wants. If you have a desire for something then you’re required to do what it takes to get it, which includes speaking up and saying what you want. A closed mouth will never get feed. However, as a child I was learning to be unauthentic to survive, and even today, when faced with an issue I struggle to be authentic to avoid confrontation. It is something I actively stay aware and work on.

Over the last year I have been learning what it is to be authentic. I had to look at how the illusion of confidence can be amplified when you are not being genuine. A confident person is a truthful person, a person who does not fear the backlash of what will happen if they are honest, but rather what blessings come from being real and true to themselves. 

“It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.” 

 By Oriah Mountain Dreamer from The Invitation

In confidence you, your words, and your actions are truth. An arrogant man is a man who speaks loudly to be heard and seen of men.  This person will do anything to win the hearts of those he is trying to impress. Arrogance is derived from the Latin word arrogate which means to claim or seize without justification, and last time I checked, to seize, which means take without justification isn’t very authentic, because if you are justified in your pursuits you have no reason to take, you simply ask. Now, that’s Gurl Knowledge!

Pearls of Wisdom:

Protection from Foreign Substances

Protection, taken from its root word protect in Webster’s dictionary means to cover or shield from exposure, injury, damage, or destruction. It is derived from the Latin word prōtēctiōn- (stem from prōtēctiō ) a covering in front. Why key in on this word this day? Reason being, I just released my latest book entitled, Every Girl Needs Her Pearls.  As with most authors, the initial thought is the title, not so in this case. I did not create a title that fit this book until after I had written the book.  I actually wrote the book with a completely different title until a few weeks before I decide to release the book publicly.

The book was originally titled, Gurl Knowledge, but it evolved into its current title just prior to the release. I chose to change the title because I began thinking about how women need to be armed with wisdom. As women, it’s not until we get all dolled up that we make sure that we have the proper accessories to make a statement with our attire.  However, it’s the pearls of wisdom that we carry with us every day that add to our greatness; helping us to accessorize every moment.

                Now, that I have released the book I am beginning to think about all the great ways we obtain knowledge. And just the other day I began thinking about how a pearl if actually formed. Pearls are created as a result of a biological process within an oyster— as a way of protecting itself from foreign substances.  So, in essence a pearl is formed when something unnatural begins to irate or bother the natural balance of the oyster. Wow! How profound is that? It is such a great segue for my book, because I wrote, Every Girl Needs Her Pearls, to provide assistance to young women when life presents obstacles, disappointments, issues, and those little day to day irritants.

                We all go through something at some point or another in life, but its how we learn to deal with what we are going through that gets us to where we need to be.  When I think about the pearls that a woman wears around her neck it’s as if we are creating a defense shield to protect us from everything that life throws at us. Image for a moment you’re going to a party to celebrate a special occasion. You put your best dress on, the nicest pair of pumps you own, make your face, and then you accessorize with your earrings, rings, and (in this case) a pearl necklace.  You’re together. You look fabulous and no one can tell you otherwise. So, image that the moment you put that necklace on your armed with this great power that prevented any negativity from harming you. How powerful would you be?

                Well, unfortunately it doesn’t actually work like that, but it should. When you have knowledge of self, or at least confidence in self, you are armed with belief. This belief is considered confidence, it’s the power to know your own worth and beautiful as you are. When you walk into the party you know that you are who you are, and undesirable stares mean nothing to you. The group of Chatty Kathy’s in the corner who are admiring your beautiful dress only assures you that you still have it. That “it” is the quality to be noticed in a good way, even if the naysayers rally in the corner out of jealously. So, with or without the necklace you have it, but I’d like to use the necklace as an analogy to reminds us of our power.

                Women we are powerful, but there are times when we forget just how powerful we really are. There is nothing that is obtained without going through a little struggle.  And sometimes it’s in our struggles that we find our truth, the truth that creates what we need to present to the world. We are just like the oyster. When parasites bother us we build up ways to protect ourselves and it is my hope that my book, Every Girl Needs Her Pearls, can be an element in your arsenal of ways to protect yourself.  As much as I would love to sell a million copies of this book, it is the one copy which touches the heart and soul of someone who is truly in need of protection, that I will value most. 

You can currently purchase the book on my website at www.chajones.com for $15.95 or download it for $9.95. 

Every Girl Needs Her Pearls...

A Little Wisdom to Accessorize the Journey from Being a Girl to Become a Woman

Why does Every Girl Need Her Pearls?

The idiom "a pearl of wisdom," is used to offer advice. I decided to title my current book Every Girl Needs Her Pearls because all girls and women at some point or another need good sound advice. The book is full of quotes that I have written to motivate, encourage, and uplift girls and women alike. I find that we all have times in our lives where we can use some wise thought. The book is currently available for purchase on my website www.chajones.com for $15.95 or you can download it as an ebook for $9.95

Description:

A carry-along pocketbook collection of inspirational thoughts and quotes divided into topics such as attitude, beauty, time management, friendship and courage. Each section has anywhere from one to five quotes on a word and/or phrase that will assist girls and woman alike when they need to be reminded, uplifted or encouraged throughout the day. All of the thoughts and quotes were written by the author, Cha Jones, who is a poet and motivational speaker. This isn’t a cover-to-cover read, but a carry-along flip-and-find text inspirational book. 

Be Relevant!

Meaning: having significant and demonstrable bearing on the matter at hand.

            

           As I prepare for the next level in my life the word that continues to appear is “relevant.” I am asking myself how relevant matters are, how relevant people are, how relevant beliefs are, and how relevant am I. Those are powerful questions, especially the later, “How relevant am I”?

            Yesterday, I had an opportunity to spend my Easter Sunday speaking to a group of young ladies and as I spoke, one young lady said that she “kinda” wanted to do something. Well, me being me I had to put my spin on it. We only have one life, one shot, and then it’s all over as we know it, so in essence we can’t afford to “kinda” do anything. We have to be relevant in all that we do. I see this as a major issue, especially for young women. Women tend to allow ourselves the option to be on that back burning playing in the background as we take care of everyone else, and not that this is always bad, but many times we don’t live to our full potential in the process. It is important that we understand how our desires, goals, and aspirations are relevant in all that we do, so that when we show up, we are relevant.

What do you desire to do? Where do you see yourself going? What is it that you want to leave for the next generation? When you take the time and ask those questions you find that you answer the question of relevance for your life. As I get ready to turn 35 years of age, everything I do is relevant. Where I use to think I had time to spare and spend my time thinking, I now have to be actively acting. It’s not because I think I am getting old, but it’s because every moment is relevant. The next thing I do has to count. What I am doing now, must matter. I want to be relevant.

The great thing about life is that you have the option to determine what is and isn’t relevant. So, now as I look at my life and I reevaluate what I want and where I want to be I see what is no longer relevant, and what I need to make more relevant. I value the opportunity to travel and see the world; I love teaching, and admire life’s wonderful creations. So, simplicity has its relevance in my life. I have no desire to chase money or material things, but I like having access and enough money to do the things I desire. I am enjoying where I am and I try to live my best life in the now. It hasn’t always been easy and I haven’t always been true to my life’s call, but as I evaluate and reevaluate my life I see the value in making living from the now and doing what I have been called to do as relevant as possible.  Now, that’s Gurl Knowledge!

Be Courageous in Your Fight!

“We all have experienced some kind of fear, but courage is when you don’t allow your fears to consume you. “ Cha Jones

We all have something in life that we are fighting for or with to become who we really desire to be. It is important that we understand that we must have the courage to continue pushing forward even when there are moments that we are faced with disappointments, devastation, and things like fear. All of these things can prevent you from winning the fight, but with courage and the ability to believe that you have in you all that you need, you can and will win.

I have plenty of fears and I have found myself doubting the process at times, but I am thankful that I have never allowed my fears to prevent me from moving forward. Sometimes you have to want to win so bad that even in your fears you decide that losing or failure is not an option. I learned early in life that being consumed my fear was not something I was willing to allow to happen. So, even when fears present themselves in my life I courageously put on my armor and go to battle for what I desire. I know that if I stand in fear I will never be able to move beyond where I am, but if I acknowledge my fears I will be able to go to places I have never been before. Fears keep us in bondage, bound to situations and things that will prevent us from becoming our true person. Freedom and courage allow us to live and flourish in life and it gives us the ability to truly be who we were placed on this Earth to become.

Fear is normal, but it is when you allow fear to consume you that you begin to doubt who you know you are.   If you were placed here to speak to people, but you have a fear of speaking, then the only way to become a speaker is to overcome your fear. If you were placed here to be a sales person, then you will have to overcome any fear of rejection and know that after a number of no’s you will eventually get a yes. Everyone has something that they fear for one reason or another, but if you find the courage to battle your fears you will WIN. You were born to be a success and to move beyond the things that have prevented you from being GREAT.  Anytime you decide that you no longer want to be a victim to your fears you have become a champion in the journey to greatness. That’s Gurl Knowledge!

by Cha Jones

Bridging the Gap

“Always remember where you came from, and if you are smart, as you blaze a trail into the future you will build a bridge for others to cross over as well.” ~ Cha Jones

Today, I began to think about my life and how I have been at the forefront of change in many situations. I have often been the first to accomplish things, and as rewarding as that may be at times, it can also be equally challenging. It is very rewarding to know that you are doing something that hasn’t been done, but it is also challenging when you have no point of reference. When you walk alone it is easy to give up, but when have a squad of cheerleaders that are rooting for you to do bigger and better things, it gives you inspiration to move forward when you feel like retiring your disposition. I know all too well how it is to experience being a lost soul in a forest of uncertainty. However, I can’t help but to understand that my going alone sometimes builds the bridge of change for not only me, but for so many more to come.

As I drove today, I began to assess those times when I felt that I was alone, and I thought about all the times I thought, “If I could just get there how extremely happy I would be.” However, just crossing over isn’t the answer. If I cross and fail to build a bridge, the once lonely road becomes even lonelier, because I now can’t share my accomplishments. The selfish part me says that I am only responsible for laying the path, but the responsible teacher in me says that I must build a bridge. Now, what does building a bridge actually mean? To me building a bridge means that I leave a way for everyone that must follow me to travel. I don’t have to go back and get anyone, but I believe I’m accountable as the first to travel across unfamiliar waters, to not make it easy, but to make it possible for those who follow me.

It is important that as you blaze the trail to new places that you remember that success is not measured by what you do, but rather how you do what you do, and what you do with it once you’re done.  There are plenty of successful people who have changed the way things will forever be, but if they fail to bridge that gap between what was and what is, then all they have done was in vain. True pioneers are those who cross the rivers of change and leave a legacy that empowers those who travel in the distance to continue on way after they have come. I challenge you to be a trail blazer and to travel unknown territories. However, in doing so, know that if others cannot not follow you, then you aren’t leaving a legacy; you’re just developing a path. That’s Gurl Knowledge!

©2010, Cha Jones

Your Attitude Empowers Your Possibilities

“With the right attitude you can do the impossible, but with the wrong attitude you will find yourself struggling alone.” ~Cha Jones

When I think about the above quote I think about how people pick and choose their battles. Things that are very simple can seem very difficult when you face them with the incorrect attitude. At this moment what comes to mind are the people who call themselves waking up on the “wrong” side of the bed. You know the people who always look at life from half empty glasses wondering why yours happens to be full. Those are the people that find themselves alone, but want to always invite you to join in on their misery.

When you adjust your thinking about anything you will adjust how much or how little you struggle.  I have a friend that once said to me, “You can’t see the goal, if you take your eyes off the obstacles.”  How real? When you only think about what you don’t have, you leave little room to think about what you do have that can assist you in getting where you would like to be. Change your attitude and look at all the possibilities in your life, situation, and circumstance and the possibilities will start presenting themselves.

If you are one of those people who found yourself getting out of bed on the wrong side this morning or if you find you wake up over there often, then I suggest you look around you and see how your attitude limits you. Most people like being with like minded people, so even if you are not alone due to your attitude you may be surrounded by other naysayers, which is just as lonely. Be empowered to think differently and change your attitude where you visualize the possibilities in all that life has to offer. That’s Gurl Knowledge!